"You are a hot mess. I’ve tried to love you. I really have. We’ve had several experiments at home, all failures unfortunately."(boy can I relate!)
"I may never have tried you as a child, but I am trying things as an adult. I’m working very hard at it. You have been on my list for a long time now of foods I WANT to like. However, it just doesn’t seem to be working out." (even my own experiment today - testing the benefits of bacon to make everything 'good' - did not work!)
"Quite some time back, I thought pan-frying you might help. I thought the crispy outer shell would help. It didn’t. Instead, you tasted like I had fried up one of my kitchen sponges, without the soapy taste of course."(ok - maybe the bacon did not totally fail - my fried tofu today did not taste like the kitchen sponge! )
"After all the failed attempts to like you, I put you aside for awhile. I thought that maybe, one day, I would find the recipe for me. The recipe that would help me like you. I feel that I should like you. I feel like it is important that I like you. Can’t you understand how important it is to me to like you? You’re filled with protein. You’re supposed to be important to a more vegetarian diet. I am determined to like you. Your time just hasn’t come for me yet. Or so I thought."
"I have to tell you, Dear Tofu, I am not trying you again. This is the end of our association. It is unfortunate indeed. I mean, how many eggs and beans can one girl eat in a week to get her protein? I guess I’ll find out."
LOL Jenn -- thanks for a fun post - and a glimpse at the lengths you have gone with tofu! But remember - never say never! - when the memory of this last fail fades you will try again --
foods can be like that ....